I realized…..

Posted: March 30, 2010 in The Thoughts
Tags: , , ,

On my way home this weekend, I believe I had the greatest realization of my life, might be just for me but yes, that was a realization of a life time. Almost an hour past midnight as I write these swift thoughts stirring through my mind, I believe I have been thoughtful enough to think over this… over and again. On my way home as I was looking out of the bus, I realized I loved the view outside…… green and golden pastures, grey sky with a hope of some shower, fast moving frames of land and houses and sometimes just the dark sky I would be staring at. But with each passing moment I realized that I was forgetting what I saw just moments back, but yet happy about what was going to show up next. No matter whatever I saw, I Realized I was waiting for the future… just a wish to see more. May be its human, or just a childlike thought… but I was waiting for what this journey had for me. I know I have celebrated my life with people, places and moments of diverse emotions but then I was never stuck with things or even people. I do remember faces but I don’t miss them because they are a part of me and they are what I have lived….. And I have often told people that I do miss them, I have told the woman I loved that I missed those years after we parted ways… I have told my friends that they have been missed the moment they left me… I have cried my soul out saying that I missed them all but it’s not them that I missed but the moment we spent together…. That single moment of excitement, belongingness, sorrow, passion, empathy, sympathy, silence, all that and more.
I realized that I never thought about what I said, did or acted upon in the past… I never thought about what others would think about what I said or did… I was always in love with the moment. I have told people I don’t love them though I knew I meant a lot to them, I have told people I love them when I knew they didn’t, I have asked people to leave me… I have left people stranded after all those promises I made, I have left home and walked back in… I have smiled through sorrow and cried out of joy, I have done everything that would keep me excited for that moment…. I have done everything that I wanted for that moment… and this is what I realize while I sit here out to a dark night wherein nothing is all I can see and a hope of change as the fireflies move around in this nothingness.
I have understood that we all would have something that would keep us happy and then they change… The people, the things, your favorite toy, your loved teacher, your best dress, your beautiful poetry, the woman you love, the best friend, the lover, the best moment, the wild night, the beautiful voice, the beloved family, your perpetual thoughts.. Everything changes… everything makes way for the new ones and if they don’t, may be you are living in the past….. and that is what I realized as the meadow made way to the dark grey sky…and then came in this dark night with fireflies around… the meadows know that I haven’t forgotten them, the grey sky knows that she is etched in my thoughts forever and the dark sky out there is what I am in love with now and she know I am enjoying every bit of her……. May be I am living for the moment but that’s what I want to live with and be in love with……..

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Comments
  1. Anitha says:

    Typical jaykay….

  2. SO DEEEP!How do u do that?!?

  3. sujata modi says:

    Couldn’t help reading it again,,& letting u know i did,,

  4. Empty says:

    You realise that you are almost a year into the ‘future’ from the day you wrote this post?There must have been so many moments, so many memories that have happened in this time. All comfortably settled in that safe place in your heart, waiting for another bus journey. Another moment of realisation when you realise that nothing actually changes, everything just evolves. Grows. Grows with you. Away from you.Towards you.
    Life is just a compilation of moments. Live each moment. Live for each moment. Relive each moment.

    • Jaykay says:

      Shared this coz, for once, I felt this sense of nothingness when an anonymous and ‘never met before’/’would never meet’ left a void space that almost seemed to bother me, infact it did. I am indifferent to that cornered feeling/misery of missing people but this time I knew I wasn’t missing the exchanges or the moment shared but the person/handle/idea. Thank you for reading and more than that, thank you for coming back. 🙂

  5. Charu says:

    “I have told people I don’t love them though I knew I meant a lot to them, I have told people I love them when I knew they didn’t, I have asked people to leave me… I have left people stranded after all those promises I made, I have left home and walked back in… I have smiled through sorrow and cried out of joy” 🙂 🙂

    The best part ! r u a gemini by any chance ! nothing much.. JLT…
    Dun want u to feel am a stalker 😀 I am not ! 😛 🙂
    its just that I can relate to ur tweets nd now ur blog posts 🙂
    Nicely captured ! 🙂

  6. gspaaj says:

    “I have done everything I wanted for that moment” . So true Jay. Every thought ,word, action is unconsciously leading u to a moment which the mind has already seen and created. But can there be moments, sensations without people? Each moment is unique because of the person involved. When I miss someone it is the moment and the person. One cannot be separated form the other.

    • @TheFraudMallu says:

      Ever watched a raindrop slide away to its death against a glass window. Nobody involved. None. A moment that is well cherished. 🙂

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