Archive for the ‘The Thoughts’ Category

The blazing fire ball had drowned into the sea, like every other day, aftering itself out into a red giant ball. Kaaka, for a long time, used to wonder who or what threw this ball up into the sky from behind the mountains. His curiosity got the better of him; he flew up in the sky. The moment he flew higher than the mountains, he realized that there was nobody behind the mountains; he saw that the fire ball came from far away in the east.

Those were the days when Kaaka was new to flying high and used to get tired quickly, struggling too hard to stay afloat and eventually falling on the ground with a thud. Nothing much has changed except for him giving up sooner, avoiding the struggle and the painful fall.

Sitting on the rope, watching the vast sea and these featherless animals chasing the ball, Kaaka was reassuring him. The ball, unlike the giant one that drowned before the dark, was beaten up by these featherless animals but it never tried escaping. He wondered if what he has planned could be called escaping.
He was waiting for the darkness to engulf the shore. He had his plan in place; he would fly away over the sea and to another land across the sea. He would meet new people out there and come back flying with stories to share. This whole idea of  travelling across to another land was in place because it had made his father a hero. The stories his mother told him seemed fresh as he sat waiting to conquer his fears and find his glory.

As the story goes, his father flew across the sea to a land that was unheard of and some place nobody else had been to. Travelling on the ship’s mast and then flying across the vast ocean he reached a land unknown to and unheard by many.

His father returned after a long time, he had taken up the life of pilgrim and therefore he refused to accept his mother and him as family. He loathed his father but nonetheless he was hero for many, he had stories about the land far away. He had to prove, and not just to his father, even to others that he was not just one amongst them but he was worthy and worth the respect he never got.

He was seeing lights of hope as the darkness engulfed him and the tiny ball went away with the featherless animals, which were until then trashing the life out of him. Such are the strange ways of the world around him, he thought.

Mein hoon Manmohan and I am your fake Prime MInister.
I lead some scamming ministers, iraadey unkey sinister.
Sanaatta hain mere bheetar, aur muchi hulchul charo aur.
Someday I will talk, I do hope, but then I am puppet and tied to the rope.
Coz I am a nadaan gudiya aur nachchaaye mujhe ye firangi bhudiyaa.

Scam Scandals aur Anna ne macha rakha hain mere naak mein dum,
I am suffering all this for that Rahul, who is nothing but a scum.
Been called a lame duck, man of few words and even a puppet at work.
Though they aren’t just accusations but I take them with a smirk.
Coz I am a nadaan gudiya aur nachchaaye mujhko ye  firangi bhudiyaa.

Economics happened, so did wife and three kids. Also Sonia.
I thought my career was fine and someday India would shine.
But then Raja and co. gave me some scandals for opposition to whine.
Just like Anna even I have a clean Past but that loser can very well sit and fast.
All this and more.. just because .. well just because
I am a nadaan gudiya aur nachchaaye mujhko ye  firangi bhudiyaa.

And the Journey…

Posted: September 20, 2011 in The Thoughts
Tags: , , ,

Parvathi, as she introduced herself to me, must have been in her early 70’s. Her wrinkles defining her age more than her voice or spirit, she was cheerful and too relaxed for her age. I was wondering and waiting for a hot woman to occupy the vacant seat next to mine and that is when she walked in. The sorrow of having to spend the next 4 hours with a woman who has been on this earth, too many in numbers,  thrice your age in years must have been evident on my face coz she asked me “Are you expecting someone else, my child?”. I was ashamed and smiled with a nodding head in negative and uncertainty across my face. I pulled myself up from my relaxed posture and helped her with her seat and when I was done with her bags; she put her hands on my head and like most of the Indian grandmothers wished for my wellbeing. I smiled and more because I enjoy every bit of affection I get from strangers, typical of being me.

She pulled out ginger candy and offered some to me, I wasn’t sure but I took couple of them from her small, unsteady and wrinkled palm. She informed me that they were home made and appreciated her daughter in law for being kind to her, I smiled again.

She “So you don’t listen to music like most youngsters these days”

Me “Yes, at times. Not when I am travelling” I lied.

She “I don’t enjoy music these days, honestly I never did” and she gave me the most beautiful childlike smile a 70 year old woman can. I smiled and looked out of the window with the smile still across my lips. I wasn’t sure if it was her smile or the realization that, in a 70 year old woman, I found someone who doesn’t enjoy music just like me.

She enquired about what I do and where I am travelling to; my answers were short and were followed by her own detailed description about her journey along with the purpose. I was listening to her and in between would look at her earlobes and the diamond stuck in the earrings. The wrinkles on her face couldn’t be ignored and to me, it seemed as if, one line leads to the other and then the other. I was listening to her story of growing up, her childhood and how days were different then, her college, her love for the English language, days in England, marrying an air force guy, divorce, teaching at a famous college in Chennai and now living with her elder son in Kerala; every word of what she spoke was interesting and a  life lived.

She “So, aren’t you bored yet?”

Me “You are doing good to keep me entertained and I have a beautiful woman for company with a beautiful story. I am entertained Amma.” I smiled.

She “You know how to speak to a woman, don’t you?” and she patted me on my shoulder.

Blushed like every time and a smile that just confirmed my shyness. She drank some water and offered me some, for which I pulled out the bottled lemon drink. She smiled and asked me to pull out a small pillow from her luggage, which I did. She rested the pillow between her back and seat, also asked me to pull back her seat, which I did. She closed her eyes but kept talking, she told me about her recent fight with the back ache, how she was preparing herself and her family for her death and most importantly completing her book of poems she started as a teenager.

I am not sure when her words faded away taking her into a beautiful silence of the slumber, I watched out of the window as moments of thoughtfulness in my head made way for some poignant eagerness  to reach home.  Am not sure if I will ever meet this old woman again, I am not even sure if I want to, but the thoughts of those four hours will be etched in my memory for some unknown reason.


Random Thoughts

Posted: August 18, 2011 in The Thoughts
Tags: , , ,

Death would have been easier for the man I am

If death would have come with so much passion that I feel for her

Ask me for the reason I would look upon her

Ask me for the pain I wouldn’t know the reason

Not for the love I feel but the pain in that

Love seems lost or may be in love it seems

Drops of dream and all falling on to my closed eyes

All the more I am lost and all the more I am in love

She spoke of what I knew I would feel and she

She spoke of us and said its never, wish it was true for it seems forever

She saw my pain before I shared

As she asked me to keep away from her

Though I feel pain there as much I am in

Wild are the ways we think for the past we lived

Wild it would seem for the present we have

Love is what we do yet undefined for the world

Love all the more for it seems endless in all

Know her of her thoughts, her dreams and her love alike.

Know so much of pain in knowing that she is possessed.

Know as much pain, for I belong to her.

I stand crowded by relations lost in her thoughts,

Lost, I see her from a strange distance that’s strangely close.

Lost might be she but I know I walk along

Neither words of wisdom nor the curse of betrayal

Not even the pain of losing would hold us back

For I know its passion in all

Know not where it headed but know it isn’t right

Know it couldn’t have been better for the joy it gives

She asked, I spoke but in between thoughts lost

She knew, I mystified yet we knew the answers all the same

Times we spoke of love yet scared to define for we know

The pain there after would be the end of us

Or as she said I would be the end of her

Or she the end of me…..


P.S: Ignore the errors. Too Random. From Old Files

She was awake but her eyes still closed, she knew that he would be around. It was a routine, waking up to his head against her hand. It has been a journey living with him amongst other things, a journey that started off 7 years ago. “Kaveri, consider this to be a part of your life. Be strong and you can fight it ….out of you” the counselor told her as she sat there thoughtless and caring less about the new life she just started. She knew it was her, and nobody else, who has to live through whatever she been through and further. She wanted to move out of those wooden doors or at least spend sometime alone within any set of walls. She stood up and as she walked out of the door, she turned around and asked the counselor “Do you think having a pet be a good idea at this point in time?” The counselor unsure of what she meant smiled and nodded his head.

Driving through Delhi wasn’t something that was new to her; after 3 years of being married to the city but that day, it seemed different, felt different. A week ago she had survived what she dreaded the most. Cancer was something she was always scared of, the routine check up, the discovery and life changed forever. She called up D, as she called her husband, and asked if she should buy a pet. A man who adored her and stood by her through every bit of the joy and sorrow she been through, she knew he would ask her to go ahead. He asked her if he should come along but she wanted to be alone for sometime, free from any sort of attention. She parked her car and walked into this pet shop, she wasn’t sure if she would even buy one.

She stood there watching the birds beating their wings around the cage and trying to fly out of nothing, she saw her pain in that struggle. She had fought harder and still had to fight against this nothingness or a struggle against a certain end. Her eyes brimming with tears; it was more for her than the birds or was it for her and them. She decided against buying a pet. As she was walking out of the shop, she saw this teenager bringing in a pup, held against his chest. He smiled at her as she passed him, a smile as if he knew why she was there. She couldn’t walk further and turned around to see why the boy was there. He was there to sell this little thing and she instantly wanted it.

As she was driving back home, she kept looking back to see if the pup was on the seat. Lying against her hand bag and his eyes fixed on her; he seemed like a pair of socks on the back of the seat. There was something about him, a sense of understanding between them. It seemed as if he knew her pain and she knew of his thoughts, all a part of her imagery but to this day there is this understanding, a sense of belonging.

These memories and the years that went by, the tears flowing down her closed eyes and she felt his head against her hand. Another day with this beautiful being, another day it was… as always.

This is a part of my stupid imagination. Inspiration drawn from the tweets of @ikaveri.

Dear Facebook,

Haven’t heard from you in a long time so thought I would write to you. I haven’t visited you for sometime and trust me I was pretty busy with college, office and some other important work. I believe you missed me just like I do or at least hope so. I am writing this to you coz you haven’t notified me of many a things or have you really forgotten me. I know we haven’t met like we used to, every evening post work, but then you should blame the network admin; he used to hate the rendezvous we had during work. It seems as if he had blocked you but I did fight for you and now you are free to walk in anytime you wish to. (more…)

മനുഷ്യനായ് എന്തിനു ഞാന്‍ ജനിച്ചു
ഒരു നിമിഷം കൊണ്ട് മറന്ന ഓര്‍മകളെയും
ഇരുട്ടിന്റെ  അരുകിലിരുന്നു  നോവിക്കുന്ന നൊമ്പരങ്ങളെയും ഓര്‍ത്തു
ആത്മാവിനോട് അറിയാതെ ഞാന്‍ ചോദിച്ചു പോകുന്നു
മനുഷ്യനായ് എന്തിനു ഞാന്‍ ജനിച്ചു
വരി മറന്ന ഗാനങ്ങളും പേര് മറന്ന കഥകളും
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കാവല്‍  നിന്ന നിമിഷങ്ങളേയും , കാത്തിരുന്ന മരണത്തെയും ഓര്‍ത്തു
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രക്തം കണ്ട ചിന്തകളും , വേദനിക്കാത്ത  മുറിവുകളെയും
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ആത്മാവിനോട് അറിയാതെ ഞാന്‍ ചോദിച്ചു പോകുന്നു
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